Nillerz.Net :: I guess I have a blog now.

I watched Sucker Punch and it was god-awful. Here's a list of reasons why it was god-awful...

-Protagonist never actually mattered to audience
-Protagonist never displayed emotion other than sad :c
-I don't even remember the supporting characters names
-I don't even remember who the supporting characters were
-All the characters just seemed like pathetic and unrealistic caricatures of people that actually mean something
-No drama in action scenes because the enemies, despite being huge samurai, dragons, and steampunk-styled nazis, are just ridiculously easy to defeat
-No drama in action scenes because the main characters seem to be just arbitrarily thrown into a scenario without any real reference to reality
-No drama in action scenes because the audience really doesn't give a fuck if anyone in the movie lives or dies
-The whorehouse wasn't emotionally compelling because it was more reminiscent of the Phantom of the Opera than it was Thriller: En Grym Filme
-The audience needs to actually be told "The chef attempted to rape that one chick", the audience can't actually tell from the scene itself
-The protagonist was set up in the crazy-house under the premise that she wasn't crazy, but judging from the rest of the movie, she actually is a nutter.
-The story seems more like a "Woah, dude, what would happen if X" sort of occurance, rather than a well-thought-out and imagined piece of work
-The protoganists only real weapon in the whorehouse that her imagination crafted is her sexiness, it is never explained how this translates to the actual crazy house
-The audiences suspension of disbelief is pushed to extremes when the protagonist goes super-saiyan while fighting statues that were, once again, arbitrarily thrown in so as to provide an excuse for an action scene
-Everybody sucks
-This movie sucks
-I hate you

So, why bother doing any interpretations? Well, because even though Zach Snyder shit this one out, he actually also wrote the screenplay hisself. He probably actually had a real vision going into it, and actually had a real point he was trying to express. We'll try figuring that out.

Theory 1: The whore-house was the real-reality, and the crazy-house/bizarro action-world were imaginary.

So it's like this, Babydoll's mum died and her step-pappy commandeered her monies by sending her to a whore house or something. That alone has a few plot holes, but I made it up right now so what can you blame me for? The lobotomy represents her being penetrated by a penis, not an ice-pick, which will happen approximately 5 days after she's in the place. In the mean-time she dances around and does Bring it On stuff but without an opposing cheerleader team. Her friends discover the value of teamwork by the ways you see in the movie, ie, exploiting their sexitude (hows that for empowerment?) and after they're all shot, raped, and ruined otherwise.... wait this doesn't make any sense, that still doesn't explain why if they were escaping from a brothel she didn't just try to find an alternative strategy to avoid detection, in fact, it doubles the risk involved because her demise would be literal, not just a metaphor for lobotomy.

Theory 2: The movie was just trying to leech off of as many possible markets as possible

This movie has something shitty for everyone! I personally got it because I saw a trailer and I liked the song it had, I think it was the Lords of Acid, not sure though. Anyway, it appeals to men because it has chicks with guns/swords fighting giant statue-samurai, it appeals to women because it has dancers and women feeling sorry for themselves, it appeals to the Kubrick fans because it has to do with all sorts of things going in and out of reality, and the general idea isn't necessarily bad.

Theory 3: Babydoll was a guardian angel for the chick whose name escapes me

This one makes a lot of sense. Babydoll actually only went to the insane asylum in the first place just to help the chick who didn't want to escape make up her mind and get a better life. Unfortunately, in doing so some other broads snuffed it, so a poorly conceived plan it is.



Well I've done all I can do, no matter what way you look at it this movie doesn't really even make a bit of sense. If you have a theory that makes the movie suck less and become more "Ohhhh, I get it now.... " I would love to hear it. In the mean-time, I give this movie a 2/10.
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